o..Diavolina..o

Diavolina said...

I know I'm not the only one in your life. But things like this bother me. It hurts me to hear how much love you have for other people. For some reason it's like I'm not getting enough.
Some times I want you just for me.
Maybe thats' selfish? I don't know.

do you think i love everyone more then you and love you less? :(
i love you more then you think and could imagine... many people question how i feel for you. I pull circles at times for you.. but you dont see it or realize all the little things i actually do. i feel very under appreciated too at times.. I know i dont say it always.. an you normally hear me talking about how much i loved so and so from my past.. and thats where im wrong.. cause i should tell people while they are alive an with me how much i love them.. or how great i think of them.. not when there gone and just a memory. Thinking i was going to lose my mother in 2004 changed that in me more so then ever..

"For some reason it's like I'm not getting enough." i dunno how to give to you a lot of the time. I have changed a lot this past year and you know this, were not the same highschool girls anymore.. and honestly i just feel like your not satisfied most of the time.. or i cant do enough or say enough to make you happy and when im doing something to make me happy your disappointed and i feel guilt.

I get jealous too.. like all your troubles the past 6 months.. i gave my all for you.. i was there for you. but you made me feel like i wasnt.. and gave credit to others. they have made you feel this an that, to help you through..was i not standing close enough?

I felt like low shit when you posted about your health.. an said if you really care to know.. wtf is that bullshit.. i was there for you.. show me where i wasnt. you know i have the biggest heart.. you know im sensitive to the core. i have become this sap ball.. an you have seen it in me the past year.. an if anything.. i would have to say.. that last year 2004.. you got the most of me.. deeper understanding of who i am an becoming.. then any other year of our friendship.. i opened the door as wide as it could open.. broke it off the hinges and broke down everything with my life to you.

i could go on.. but im upset.. especially when you called me a stranger on the phone today.. when i had just talked to you on thurs.. and they day before you wanted to be ALONE to go to the mall.. when you found out i had no gas in my car.. how do you think that made me feel.. ?? think about it.
our friendship is changing..

i do love you.. you shouldnt have to question that.

pictures of us i pulled from our vault.