o..everything..o

over an over i ask my self why an question my life choices.. regret is my biggest fear.. and if i keep procrastinating i will know the outcome. however i feel this year is going to have a huge turning point for me. Exactly what i dont know.

a lil confused.. im sitting here sad. my fingers are cold and im not well tonight.. not at all. staring at my walls and wanting to paint them white again. yet white doesn't make me feel clean. my heart is a windy day blowing aimlessly, or a fresh rain puddle being stepped in and splashed everywhere most of the time. i fall in love with life too easily. i find secret beauty in everything. i cry in my car when im driving alone. i just cant admit the truth or come to terms with my blood flow. this cycle has been eating me up for months..

its late and i should be sleeping .. trying to get onto that schedule i have been pushing aside for months. where is my fukin discipline already.. please wake up an work with me.